dear timothy…

Dear Timothy,

IMG_4905As I sit here holding you, I am amazed by you.  For being so small and so fragile, you’ve shown strength and tenacity that amazes me. You have shown bravery beyond what I could’ve hoped for.  Since your birth, you have been poked, prodded, stuck, scanned, transported, cut open, stitched together, and have faced so much and yet you hardly cried at all. You have shocked and surprised the doctors at every step, from breathing on your own at birth to how quickly you recovered from your surgery, and your desire to eat. Even though you weigh less than a two liter bottle of soda, you have shown resiliency and that is purely inspirational.  I pray you know with every fiber in your body that your Daddy loves you very much.

First, I wanted to let you know about your mommy and what an amazing woman she is. From the moment she found out she was pregnant with you, she changed her whole lifestyle, the way she ate, and what she did, all to protect you and help you grow the best way you could. She carried you inside of her for seven months, giving up her beloved Pepsi and other foods that she loved, all to make sure that you were safe. When we found out that you have Down Syndrome, she began to read books, and met with people, all to get to know you better and how we can bless you.  And this last two weeks, in order to protect your little life, she endured being stuck with needles, pushed around, tested, cut open, and faces a tough road of recovery,. She has endured pain and lowered her pain medications, all to ensure you the purest milk possible. In short, I want you to know your mommy is the most amazing woman I have ever known. You are very, very blessed to have her as your mommy.

Second, I wanted to let you know how sorry I am about you having to be in the hospital like this. It has been SO hard on all of us. With your siblings, we were able to bring them home after a short stay in hospital. But with you, it breaks our hearts to leave you and endure nights without our precious little boy at home. And no matter how long it takes, we will be ready to bring you home. Our family will not be complete until our little teddy bear comes home.

When I look ahead to next week, I worry about going back to work and what it will mean to my heart. I cannot even express to you how much I have enjoyed spending every day with you and your mommy, holding you, kissing you on the head and simply being with you. But if I’m honest, I worry about returning to work and returning to my old lifestyle without my son. I worry about resuming a life of carpools, work hours, reheating leftovers, and getting kids to bed, but all without you. Almost like we’ve moved on without you, or forgotten you in some way.  But I want you to know, no matter how long you spend in the hospital, I will not forget you.   Before you were born, I struggled with the weight of adding a fourth child, and Down Syndrome, into our lives.  Now I not only welcome it, but am excited to get started on this adventure together.

You are bone of my bone, flesh my flesh….my son in whom I am WELL pleased.




~ by kuiperactive on January 22, 2014.

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