this wasn’t what i planned…

Editor’s Note: Brian sent us this post last night – Timothy’s surgery is today.)


Well, here we sit in a small little NICU room at the hospital. My little Teddy Bear is sleeping quietly in his warmer, while my bride knits in the corner. It almost feels idyllic, if it were not for the fact that my boy faces a surgery that has me terrified. Tomorrow he will go into the operating room and his fragile little life will be put into the hands of a group of strangers, each with the power to end his life or give him the ability to eat and grow. He is so small, and so fragile, and already has had to fight so hard. This cannot end so early. It just can’t. Not when we have been through so much, all in just a week.

Looking back over the last seven days, it is hard to believe what has happened. Last Tuesday, we had one of our regularly scheduled appointments with Treshia’s doctor, to check on her and see how little Timothy was progressing. As they checked her blood pressure, the doctor was alarmed by how high it was and decided to admit her to the hospital, just so they could monitor it and bring it down. He even allowed her to work from her room, so she could finish a few projects while she stayed off her feet. No big deal. But then the internal fetal doctor (pre born baby doc) came in, checked her blood pressure again and said the words that I will never forget…

“You are not leaving this hospital pregnant.”

“What? What do you mean?” I knew I was hearing him wrong and asked him to clarify. Then he explained that her blood pressure was alarmingly high and they felt it was best to keep her hospitalized until the baby was born. No big deal, except that my baby was not due for another eight weeks! Two months in the hospital? Two months without my wife? Two months without Mommy? As the ramifications of this decision blasted around in my head, I felt like the world began to fall apart. “This isn’t the plan! This isn’t what is best!” But soon the planner in me kicked in and started to process and plan. “OK, we can do this. It is going to be rough, but we have a plan and we can make it through.” So, for the next two days, Treshia & I spent the days in her hospital room, working from our laptops and planning how we would make it through the next few months. In the meantime, the doctors planned an ultrasound for Friday morning, so we could take a look at how he was doing. When that morning rolled around, I left our house early, so I could get to the hospital in plenty of time to spend time with her before the ultrasound began. Then Treshia texted me to tell me that the ultrasound technician had shown up early and they had started. “What? That wasn’t what was scheduled!!” So, I rushed to the hospital and got to her room just as the doctor began looking at the scans. Then he turned to us and said the words I will never forget…

“You are having this baby today.”

“What?!? Today?? He is only thirty two weeks old! He is supposed to come in two MONTHS!” The doctor explained how our son was having difficulties getting the proper blood flow through his umbilical cord and was starting to show signs of distress. He needed to come out that day or he could be in trouble. So we planned a c-section for noon and started a calm four-to-five hour preparation process. A half hour later, another doctor came in, looked at how Timothy was doing and said the words that I will never forget…

“This baby cannot wait until noon. We need to get him out now.”

“What?!? We are getting ready. Why???” The whole world seemed to shift into a whole new speed and soon the room was filled with doctors and nurses, all prepping my wife for an emergency c-section. As my wife bravely endured a flurry of preparations that were less than ideal (or gentle), my head began to spin and it felt like my world turned upside down. I began to worry about my wife and my boy, but then it seemed to happen and soon my tiny little boy was born, 2lbs 11oz. The NICU nurses swooped in and began their examination of my little boy. Soon they were amazed by strong our little man was and how he was doing.  We even found out that the Lord had healed Timothy and he had NO heart defects at all!! After a few days in NICU, I began to feel like we had made it and things were settling down. We had made it through. Then the doctor ran some tests and said the words I will never forget…

“Your baby will need to have surgery, and we cannot do it here.”

With these words, we learned that our little brave boy needed to have surgery on his digestive system and that he needed to be transported to a larger hospital with facilities that could provide that kind of service. So about 24 hours later, we watched our boy drive away in an ambulance for a different hospital. And that is where I find myself now. Tomorrow morning, I will have to let him go and put him in God’s hands. But in reality, he never has left those hands. Those hands that put together this week and carried us through it. Those hands who embraced us as we cried out in fear. Those hands who knit my Timmy together in his Mommy’s womb and who gave him the beautiful extra chromosome that makes him extra special. And those hands who will be there tomorrow whatever happens. This wasn’t what I planned…but I know who did…and right now, that’s all I can hold onto. But that’s all He is asking me to do.


~ by kuiperactive on January 16, 2014.

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